Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Stoner story 10: The awkward adieu

We've always had a lot of dogs...well not always but for a fucking long time anyway and I think the extended exposure has made us quite animal friendly. Can't remember the last time a dog bit me or a cat scratched me. (also maybe because I dont have a cat and I smoke too much to remember yesterday)

Back in the GE days, ChowChow, the refugee from the land of the Nizams had rented out a tiny ass flat above a garage in Gurgaon's Sector 14. On one stoned trip to Old Delhi for nostalgia food, he came back with a pair of parrots. One looked sick as fuck and died soon after. Chadha wanted to tandoori it, but instantly forgot about it after a bird flu reminder.
The remaining bird seemed quite at home in a room that was almost constantly hot-boxed. ChowChow called it Chutiya and taught it to scream, "Kaun hai bhen ke lode" in an imitation Amitabh Bachchan baritone every time the doorbell rang. Damn bird wouldn't stop till you fed it something or put a cloth over the cage.
The last night ChowChow was in Gurgaon, he threw an impromptu smoke-out and called the usual suspects: Chadha, Dr Abbey, BaldMan, Baba and sundry others. ChowChow's chika landed up a little later after work so we hit it till quite late into the night.
ChowChow conveniently forgets to tell us that his folks were landing up the next morning from Hyderabad. He also failed to mention exactly how orthodox they were.

Woke up earlier than the rest the next day and squeezed into the kitchenette to make coffee. Inside the one room, everybody had passed out all over the place with ChowChow and his chika sprawled over each other, his hand up her shorts. Chadha must have passed out last because he was sleeping on bare floor in his lungi with his shlong hanging out. Took the broom and positioned a spare blanket over the snake and carried on with the coffee.
Some few minutes later, the doorbell rings and the parrot gets into high gear with his spiel. The door opens with ChowChow's folks standing, staring in disbelief. Less at their son and the 'whore' and more at Chadha who's lungi was now around his waist thanks to outside breeze.
All the while the parrot is going to town with the one rehearsed line...right into ChowChow's mum's ear.
Craziest farewell party ever!

4 Comments:

Blogger Arthur Quiller Couch said...

You made this up. I swear you must have made this up.
If not, I'll buy that parrot.

6:23 PM  
Blogger hedonistic hobo said...

hehehe..........that's hilarious. i love it when friends just fail to mention these little riders to hanging out at theirs.
a friend of mine and i hosted a party at her grandad's, plush apartment, loads of space, nice cool summer breeze, vodka golgappas, billions of gatecrashers.........a smashing success. until the next morning when we realised that the urn everyone had been ashing into, that she forgot to realise was a sacred item, also contained her grandma's ashes...........actually that story's not as funny.
i still don't have the courage to face her grandpappy.

5:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Would so like to have been there, fly on the wall and all that!

Shahnaz

12:31 PM  
Blogger jerry said...

dude that has to be the craziest thing, i've ever heard! well not the craziest, but damn one of them for sure!

6:30 PM  

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