Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Krist Jyoti Chronicles

When cousins moved out of South Delhi and bought a place in faraway Pitampura, henceforth referred to as the Boondocks, never knew how much time we'd be spending in KJ.
KJ was the name of the apartment complex where Aunt Purple bought a flat, so called because the place was packed to the gills with Bible thumpers. Still is too.
Early memories are of warped incidents revolving around hide-n-seek, pithoo and of course the annual Christmas play.
Christmas plays on the Nativity scene were 'fun-filled' affairs with all the kids painting on eyeliner moustaches and ripping out mummy's sari to make robes.
The Saint had this fantastic ability to attract attention. Usually when he needed it least. One year, The Saint, The Bassist and self were dressed as the Three Magi, coming down the church aisle to deliver exotic gifts to the plastic Infant. Since we'd had minor chaos getting ready back at the apartment, no one had had dinner.
The Saint stuffed some Christmas cookies, salted pork and rum raisins in the box he had to present so he could munch on his way down.
A particular cookie slipped his fingers just as he was climbing the steps up to the stage and in the hurry to retreive it, stepped on a nail in the wooden stair, ripping off his sari and leaving him in his torn long johns before a confused congregation.

Drugs and booze were never around then, but we still managed to do the most fucked up things.
CharlieBoy's bedroom balcony overlooked the neighbouring apartment complex and one electricity-less night, sticks a candle in a saucer, slips a sheet over his head and balancing the saucer on his head, starts pacing up and down the balcony. Initial plan was to scare the kids playing cricket in the lawn beyond the fence. Unfortunately CharlieBoy forgot to make eye-holes and getting excited over the initial adolescent screaming, throws his head back to laugh the scary laugh.
Candle flies back through his open bedroom door, lands on his bed, sets fire to it, doesnt realise it because he's still standing with a sheet over his head and laughing his ass off on the balcony.

Playing pithoo in the A-block park. For those not familiar with pithoo, you have two teams of any number of players with a pile of seven stones. The object of the game is for one team to knock all the stones down with a tennis ball and then run around a pre-determined area to avoid being hit by the ball (that's picked up by the other team) and put the stones back up together. If you knocked the pile clean off, you won the game, or if you put the stones together without a single team member getting hit by the ball. After three whacks at the pile, The Bassist missed every single pile and FatSonia couldn't resist a jibe and a laugh...which continued the length of the evening, till The Bassist picked up a rock from the pile and lobbed it at her. Aimed to miss but FatSonia, being FatSonia, ran right into the trajectory.

Playing hide-n-seek when the lights blew once and the RedBird's hiding behind the ornamental bushes behind D-Block. The Bassist's the 'den' and comes walking that way. Since he couldn't see anyone hiding anywhere, decides to release bladder pressure at approximately the same place the RedBird's under.
Latter doesn't say a word. Just waits for The Bassist to zip up and carry on. When everyone's been found, the RedBird's still missing, till someone spots him creeping behind a parked car. The Bassist sidles up behind him and grabs him by the collar, drags him out and immediately releases him when the wind plays the stench around the park.

Halloween was one really stupid time of the year, essentially because very few people then really understood the concept. One year, HugleTheBugle covers his head and hair in talcum powder, cuts a hole in a white sheet, sticks his head through it and goes down to scare the gate-keeper. He's coming down the stairs, the gate-keeper's standing with his back to him a few feet from the bottom-most stair. So HugleTheBugle launches himself from the third step with a loud "Aaarrrhghhhh", trips over the sheet and lands heavily, face down on the concrete parking lot, missing the gate-keeper completely.

The Saint and The Grandmother are our closest cousins with latter two years older, former three months younger than me. Sister is two years younger than self.
Picking on The Grandmother was a favourite pastime, especially when the Americans came down for their once-in-two-year visit. She's been subject to being locked in the bathroom for a day, then pelted with shoes, hair pulling, skirt pulling, tale-tattling and a variety of other childhood crime. When we were growing up, she was the tallest. Till we hit the 10th grade and everybody, including Sister overtook her. She's a big-shot manager at a bank now, and plays financial advisor to the family. Role reversal of sorts.


Anonymous S. said...

can probably identify wit most of the gang..

8:09 PM  
Blogger moonstruck maniac said...

you are with Maxim now? i thought ye have gone to mirror
whats happening atyer end bro

6:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

jeez man......u left that travel space in HT for "maxim". hunh......so much fr the adventures.

12:29 PM  
Blogger Pirate of the Arabian said...

the adventures are everywhere... if you're looking

4:12 PM  

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