Tuesday, June 13, 2006

stoner story 9 - Teen drama and the Doberman

This happened some time in the summer of last year.

Sharky and self were at my place, gargling with Mallya's brew and inhaling Mary.
The Doberman, NewShit and Puffy were supposed to come by my place from PV (where we were all chaddi-buddies) to pick up an invite for Elevate's first anniversary do.

1 am and no sign of them, so were about to call it, when the Doberman calls. "Dude, the cops have caught us, they're taking us to the cop joint.. please help!!"

What had happened was that these guys had taken a wrong turn, realised they had taken a wrong turn and reversed with tyres screeching. The local cops-on-Bullet pulled them over to ask where they were going and where they were coming from.
One of them, I don't know who, pulled the window down, blew a cloud of sweet smoke into the cop's face and says, "Ke hai?" (Haryanvi for wassup)
Really not a good idea.
The cops pulled them all out, searched them and immediately found five tolas of pretty decent shit on the Doberman, stuck conveniently in the front pocket of his jeans.

Sharky and self eventually hauled our asses down to the thana, reeking of beer.

When we got there, these guys were behaving like it was all a joke. Except for NewShit who was literally shitting bricks. One of the Doberman's friends was also with them.
The Doberman and his friend study in Canada and NewShit in England and both definitely did not want to fuck up their futures.

Although the cops were initially a little 'wary' of us (because of the beer), we told them we'd walked down and had been drinking at home.
The inspector warms up to us once he learns that Sharky's a criminal lawyer and I'm with the press and orders coffees while he tells us exactly what happened.
All this while, the hash is lying inches from my hand on the inspector's table.
And that was a LOT of hash.
The cop sees me looking at it; its hard not to, and asks me, "Aap bhi peethe ho?" (You smoke also?)
"Haan, pehle karthe the, college mein. Ab nahi karte." (Used to, in college, not anymore)
Seems to believe me, because he drops the subject and waves at one of his flunkies to get the guys in.
The cops are pretty pissed at these guys for
A) no respect
B) talking shit and
C) trying to lie and bull their way out

Actually, the only person they're really pissed with is the Doberman.
When they come in, an argument starts with the Doberman's friend telling the J'pura cops, "I want my phone call, I think I'm entitled to one phone call."
The cop explains to him that if he speaks to him in that tone again, he's never going to be able to make a phone call ever in his life.
That pretty much shuts them up.
The cockiness of the young and dumb is immeasurable.

Despite the cops desperate urge to get the guys in a little dark room with no windows and a thick stick, the inspector finally agreed to not book them and to get them to call their parents instead.
It being Friday night, the cops would have kept them there till Monday morning.
We go in to tell the four of them that they aren't going to be booked, they just have to call their folks and get them to sort it out.
Three panicked voices yell, "No fucking way man" "I gotta get back to Canada, my folks will ground me if they find out about this" "Dude, my mom caught me just last month with weed, she can't find out about this."

Despite trying to convince them of the "lesser of the two evils", they don't relent.
Except NewShit who calls his house and passes the phone to the inspector.
NewShit was always the good older son when compared to ReShit, the future mob boss, so I can't imagine what his dad must have thought when he gets a call at 4am saying "Haanji..are you Mr Bhajji? I'm calling from J'pura police station, we have your son NewShit standing in front of us."

His dad came an hour later, the inspector explained the situation to him and we could make out former was relieved his son wasn't a culprit or accomplice.
NewShit's dad then drove former and Puffy home, while self waited it out for the Doberman to see reason and change his mind.
Which he did finally at almost 6am. The inspector told his father the same thing... nothing about the drugs.
The cops had left the main room for a minute and the Doberman whispers to me, "They don't know how much there is..pick up some and put it in your pocket,"
I look at him and tell him he needs a booyakasha. (Swift kick of reality to the head)

His folks drive up through a crowd of milkmen and the newsboys, mildly surpised to see me there.
The inspector took his folks in and started this long diatribe on how kids today have no respect for their elders and the Doberman's folks are thinking.. oh, that's all.. he was probably rude to some cop.. because his dad starts giving him another lecture on values and what he's been brought up with.'
Issue of respect closed, his folks are getting up to leave and the cop drops the maal on the tabel, saying, "There's also this."
His folks looked a little shell-shocked .. didn't know quite what to do ..

I'd had enough entertainment for the night, so I slunk home without waiting to see the Doberman getting raped.


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