Friday, June 09, 2006

Nonsensical rhyming

A great man once asked me, "If purple monkeys don't fly, why do I only see them when I'm high?"

To which I replied, "No fucking clue man ... but you could pass the joint."

Nursery rhymes revamped

21st century nursery rhymes

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides,
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front,...
but she didn't wear that one very often.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,
but Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"What have you got there?"
Said the pieman unto Simon,"Pies, you dickhead."

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Said, "Fuck him, he's just an egg.

Mary had a little lamb.
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ass
and turned its wool to nylon

Georgie Porgy pudding 'n pie,
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
he kissed them too, 'cause he was gay

Punjabi nursery rhymes

'Pussy cat Pussy cat, where have you been?'
'I have been to London to see the Queen'
'Pussy cat Pussy cat what did you there?'
'I frightened a little mouse under the chair!'

Punjabi Translation:
Mano Billi, Mano Billi, kithe gai si?'
'Rani Ji nu milan main vilayat gai si'
'Ki chan chareya tu othe ja ke?'
'Ghar wapis aa gai main chuhe kha ke!'

'Baa Baa Black sheep have you any wool?'
'Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full
One for the master, one for the dame,
And one for the little boy who lives down the lane.'

Punjabi Translation:
'Kali Bhed, Kali Bhed, hai kucch unn?'
'Haan bhai,Haan bhai, Tin pandan gin,
Ek tere waste, ek teri woti lai
Ek us munde lai jehra khara raste'.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the kings' horses, all the kings' men
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again

Punjabi Translation:
Baba Karanil Singh baitha si Dukaan te'
Baba Karnail Singh diggya dhadam se,
Pind de log phir aa ke kehan lagge,
Baba Karnail Singh te gaya hun kaam se.

Don't they sound a lot better in Punjabi?

Another very violent sing-along we wrote in school. You could substitue 'teacher' with boss, editor, whatever..
We used to sing this to the tune of Chariots of Fire for some reason...

On top of Ol' Smokey
All covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher
With an M16 gun

I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
I couldn't have missed her
She's a few feet wide

I went to her funeral
I stood by her grave
While others threw flowers
I threw a greande

I met her in heaven
In that holy place
She came up to say hello
I shat in her face


Blogger vasu said...

Hahahaha... i've no fucking idea how i ended up here. too funny, esp the 'shat on her face' man... king of crass you are! how'd u get this way?

I'm high as a kite... i think its helping :)

keep writing. will be back boyo!


8:44 PM  

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