Monday, April 10, 2006

stoner story 2- Arrested development

January 2005.

It had been a fantastic vacation in Goa. W and self had stowed away with the seven dwarves (see vacation!!) and were now heading back to work and normal life after a sun-blest fortnight on Asvem.
(Still can't get the Boom Shacks and Juicy Lucy out of my mind)

I was to stay with W in Mahalaxmi while Chottu and Jas, Minnie and the Sandyman would crash at Rocky's in Andheri. Got into Mumbai by mid-morning, passed out the whole day and met the rest for dinner at some sports bar in Phoenix Mills, before driving down to Jazz by the Bay for beer
The next day, the train to Delhi was scheduled for 16:55 from Bombay Central (five minutes from Mahalaxmi).
W left for work early in the morning, so I chilled, smoked a few, rolled a few for the way back, locked the house, hid the keys in the money plant and headed off to the station.
Got there with half an hour to spare, but no sign of the rest. (CJ and SM were travelling back to Delhi with me)
Anyway. Found our compartment and the seats and settled in.

Ten minutes for the train to leave and still no sign of there guys. One panicked phone call to Chottu and he says they're less than 10 minutes away.

I try to keep calm but the pot's starting to get me paranoid.
Five minutes left for the train to leave and still no sign, so I call them back. They're STILL 10 minutes away
Fuck fuck fuck
One minute for the train to leave, I call Chottu who says, "We're right around the corner, pull the chain if the train starts to leave."
Never underestimate the power of suggestion.
Sure enough, the train began to roll out the station. So I did just that.

The train screeched to a halt and EVERYONE (this being India) got off the train to see what the fuck up was.
Two cops and a few ticket checker types came looking for the guy who pulled the chain and found me.
They asked everyone in the compartment who pulled the chain and I put my hand up (I dont know why)

One cop asked me why I did it and I told him because my friends were late and they really had to be in Delhi the next day.
He gave me a funny look.
Didn't blame him what with my bloodshot eyes, beer-stained breath and twitchy fingers.
I didn't have the 1000 rupee fine to bail myself out so they marched me down to the station master's room. Our seats were right in the front of the train, and since the entire janta had disembarked to do what Indians do best: stare; the experience was a little like being in a safari.
Excpet for the two cops in front (one holding my duffel bag), two cops at the back amd the TT holding my rucksack. I think I heard "charsi", "drugs", "smuggler", "cocaine" and "saala firangi" about 30 times each on my way down. handcuffs or "you have the right to remain silent..."

The station master, a genial Sardarji, gave me a half hour lecture on train travel etiquette and then got extremely agitated as the wires started coming in.
We were on the Mumbai-Delhi Rajdhani and my little stunt had delayed 16 local trains and 36 trains on the northern grid.

The couples had still not made it to the station, so the cops made me sit down and write an apology letter. Which I was finding extremely hard to do what with nervous giggling fits threatening to seize me at any time.
Why nervous? I had half a tola of hash left over from Goa, two packets of magic mushies, half a g of coke that wasn't mine, two chillums and a hash pipe, a strip of valium and a strip of spasmoproxyvon in the rucksack that was hanging off the back of my chair.

Once the station master calmed down a bit, we bonded over tea and stale coconut biscuits. The cops wanted some kind of identification and all I had (conveniently) was my India Today press card.
After that, all I had to do was entertain the station master and thullas with amusing stories of naked hippies and fireants in Goa till the gang showed up and bailed me out.

Will post a picture of my bail slip if I can get it scanned...

Morale of the story: If you're going to pull the chain in a train, run like hell


Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's one of the craziest stories i've heard. Full marks to u and jk tires.

4:10 PM  

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