Tuesday, April 11, 2006

some more random stuff

Travelling tips for the bus passenger

When traveling up to the hills by bus (or even by car with folks up on a D-run), stopping to answer Ma Nature's frantic SOSes can be frequently inconvenient.

Here's a little self discovered 'yoga' for those with no immediate WC support..
If you need to 'lose some fibre', fill your lungs with as much air as you can. Exhale violently and at the same time, press an index finger into your belly button.
Repeat a couple of times.
Guaranteed to stop shit flow for at least a few hours, provided you don't smoke or over eat in the mean time.

Avoid all forms of mango drinks (like Maaza, Slice, etc)

Drink a lot of water. If stuck in the car or bus, you can use the bottle as a urinal. Just remember to empty the contents out the window soon after you're done so the smell doesn't remain.

Travelling clothes: Shorts/bermudas, cotton T-shirt, sweatshirt and muffler (or woollen cap) in rucksack.

If you're driving, avoid drinking when you start the climb.
Ideally, one should hit the beer just as you leave the chaos at the Delhi border. Keep at it till Chandigarh so that by the time you get to dinner at either Hot Millions or KFC, you're nicely wasted.
It's advisable to empty your bowels at Chandy.
Preparing for the hill stretch:
Although a group of four in a car is ideal for non-stop driving, even three can pull off taking turns at the wheel and rolling in the back seat.
Never roll in the front seat...Himachal cops have been antsy of late... and always keep the windows open, so the smell doesn't stay in the car.
If prepping for a drug run, go clean shaven, preferably cut your hair and remove unnecessary ear rings. Sure they look cool, but they're also magnets to cops looking for Delhi stoners.
If you can, get one of those miltitary insignias that army generals tack on to their Ambassadors and put it on the front grill. That should take care of most check points.

Transporting cargo back by bus is riskier. Everybody (actually only the Isra hippies and anyone who looks remotely like an urban smoker) gets checked.
I've seen narcs shove fingers up tourists' rectums in search of charas and you don't want to be in that position.
There's no really safe way by bus, though if you have a small amount (say 5-6 tolas) you could hide them in the lining of a jacket or under the seat. But you have to get to the bus way before departure time to do this.
Slightly more risky, but with assured returns, is to make friends with the bus driver before departure and pay him to hold your maal for you.
One ingenious way (that I saw another hippie doing) is slightly complicated. This guy had about 10 tolas that he had wrapped in clingfilm, wrapped again in a dirty oil skin and finally in a leather bag to which he had glued this huge round magnet. When the conducter was throwing bags in the back of the bus, this guy came around last of all with his bag, made a big fuss, and stuck the magnet inside the cargo compartment in a corner.
Cops stopped us just outside Kullu, didnt find anything but when we got down for dinner, he cooly removes his shit from the back and puts it in his pocket.

Caution: Although consumption of marijuana in India is generally winked at, dealing in Mary is not. So even if you get caught with a few tolas, you can sweet talk (or bribe) your self out. You'll be screwed if you get caught with more than five tolas....


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Invaluable advice. You're a gentleman and a scholar.

11:32 AM  

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